Always, an American company that specializes in producing feminine hygiene products, is conducting a campaign called "#LikeAGirl"; and the ads that have been featured thus far are truly inspirational! The aim for the campaign is to raise awareness of the devastating drop of confidence that girls experience during puberty (on average, around the age of 12) as a result of society's patriarchal attitudes and practices. Such attitudes and practices have included belittling ambitions, gender shaming, and physical critiques. The inspiring message, however, comes from the showcasing of how strong females can be when encouraged to go against the grain. Although it is not the first or the only one that has been made, the following video -called "Unstoppable" -is surely my favorite commercial (thus far) of the #LikeAGirl campaign. After watching it, I hope that you, too, will take an interest and show your support for Always. Show your support for a future society that encourages (authentic) femininity.
It is impossible to realize our goals while discriminating against
half the human race. As study after study has taught us, there
is no tool for development more effective than
the empowerment of women.
-Kofi Annan, former UN Secretary-General
Working in a library, one is bound to come across amazing pieces of literature that one never knew existed. Such was the circumstance of my happening upon Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn's book 'Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide.' Published in 2010, this well-written volume of investigative journalism documents the stories and plights of women in rural communities and patriarchal societies worldwide. It delves deep into such issues as sex trafficking, genital mutilation, honor killings, and education deprivation. It serves as a whistleblower on patriarchy; but it also acts as a harbinger of hope -for the future. Before this book landed in my lap, I had been aware that there were such places in the world where young women were barred from school and even sold as slaves -for both sex and domestic purposes. On NPR, I have read a number of articles over the past year about the girls who were kidnapped by Boko Haram, and the young women who have become enslaved by ISIS. However, it was not until I read 'Half the Sky' that I attained greater enlightenment on the conditions and circumstances concerning gender oppression across the globe. The problem of gender oppression is a large one. Ginormous, even. Whittle away the stories and statistics featured within the pages of the book and an answer is revealed: education and healthcare. The latter may prove to be the key elements that will bring about change in oppressive communities. An educated girl is more likely to earn an income, to learn a trade or to start a business -which will aid the dilemma of poverty in many African and Asian countries. A healthy girl is more likely to stay in school, and to survive childbearing -which will increase the mortality rate in certain parts of the world. What isn't exactly made (entirely) clear, however, is how an everyday Joe or Jane can go about aiding the young women of the world. The book does indeed take a look at the effect of Western aid groups, both the good and the bad. And while it points out that funding and supplies to grassroots organizations are welcomed by most impoverished communities, documented occasions do illustrate that the wrong action made by foreign volunteers can be interpreted as imperialistic. (Recommendation: Please read 'Half the Sky' before volunteering for such organizations as the Peace Corps.) For now, supporting grassroots organization and furthering our own education on gender oppression may be a good start in uprooting worldwide patriarchy. Read more books. Watch more documentaries. Two years after the release of the book, in 2012, the PBS channel featured a documentary of the same title -'Half the Sky.' It focused on the issues Kristof and WuDunn discussed in their book, whilst also including interviews with some of the women whose stories were featured in original work. The trailer for the documentary can be found below:
Following the release of the book, Sheryl WuDunn was presented in a TED talk that focused primarily on the economic advantages of educating girls -how such action benefits impoverished, rural communities and third-world countries. The title of her presentation was "Our Century's Greatest Injustice." Please click on the video below to view her talk:
For more information regarding the movement, please visit www.halfthesky.org.
It was a boost to my ego, this fact that I learned recently: only 10 percent of the American population is pursing higher education in English (Literature) studies.
Over the years, I can recall receiving such grief for my choice of an academic discipline. From my elders, I would often receive a quizzical expression and the question, "What are you going to do with [a degree like] that?" From my peers, one in particular, I was the butt of jokes.
"What is the difference between an English major and a pizza?" the latter mentioned peer asked. The answer was not obvious to me. "One can feed a family of four." I did not laugh. Yes, we English (Literature) majors are a minority. At the risk of overly glorifying my own scholastic tribe, however, I feel the need to present the following argument: Literature nurtures empathy. Outside of a psychology class, fiction offers the greatest insight one might come to have of the human psyche, or the human heart. Fact: Some of the most intelligent, empathetic, and complex people I know are English majors. In truth, practically everything that I have come to understand about Love I learned from the monsters, the outsiders, and the unwanted of literature.
The following three stories and characters have served as my greatest mentors. (NOTE: For the benefit of those who have yet to read the books I am about to mention, I have incorporated media clips that best represent my driving points.)
Frankenstein Mary Shelley's story of an ambitious (albeit 'mad') doctor and his ghoulish creation always struck me as more of a tragedy than a horror. While some people may argue that it is a cautionary tale of what happens when man plays God, I believe it to be a depiction of a (if not the) chronic human condition: finding acceptance, finding love, in a loveless world. In 1931, director James Whale and actor Boris Karloff frightened the world with their cinematic rendition of Shelley's novel. Four years later (1935), both Whale and Karloff reunited and fleshed-out the previous (film) story of Frankenstein's creation with 'The Bride of Frankenstein.' Although the screenplay was more original than faithful (to the novel) in terms of events and characterization, it brought to audiences a more tragic portrayal of the "monstrous" creation. One of my favorite scenes from the movie is featured below:
To this day, the conclusion of 'Bride of Frankenstein' still makes me cry . . . A second rendition of the story: Recently, I was turned on to the Showtime original series Penny Dreadful -a Gothic series that follows its own storyline while also incorporating iconic literary characters and plots from such classics as Dracula, The Picture of Dorian Gray, and Frankenstein.
In the first season of the show, the (original) creation of Victor Frankenstein is given the name Caliban -from Shakespeare's The Tempest. After being abandoned by his creator, Caliban (portrayed by Rory Kinnear) wanders Europe in search of his 'father.' Eventually, he makes his way to London. After being made to suffer at the fists and feet of a handful of drunken men, Caliban unexpectedly finds himself being both adopted and employed by a seasoned veteran of the amateur British stage. (It is from this elderly actor that Caliban actually receives his name.) Living amongst humans, albeit as a scorned outcast, Caliban comes to witness both pain and love. Eventually, as in the novel and the latter mentioned film, Caliban confronts Frankenstein and makes a chilling demand of him: the creation of a mate.
Below, I have included one of the most heartbreaking scenes that revolves around Caliban.
Both Karloff and Kinnear, in my opinion, do just portrayals of Frankenstein's creation. Although both 'The Bride of Frankenstein' and 'Penny Dreadful' follow their own storylines, Frankenstein's creation is depicted as a sensitive, rather childlike, figure that is both prone to horrific violence and intense emotion. The creature, in fact, has such a strong sense of emotional intelligence that he understands his inner need for acceptance by another living creature.
Jane Eyre Hailed as one of the most beloved heroines of literature, Jane Eyre (of Charlotte Bronte's classic Gothic romance Jane Eyre) suffered the ridicule often reserved for monstrous villains. Such behavior, however, was not provoked by any ugliness that she possessed physically. Rather, the abuse transpired because Jane was an orphan; an unwanted orphan that was demeaned and then thrown away by her only known and living relatives.
Raised in a puritanical boarding school, Jane continued to suffer abuse and loss before finally receiving her chance to escape: she receives employment as a governess in the remote and dreary estate of Thornfield Hall. Although a rather self-efficient and independent being, the heroine finds herself drawn to the older and troubled owner of the estate -Mr. Edward Rochester. Although such accusations can merely be written off as a cruel form of flirting on her employer's part, Jane cowers under Rochester's domineering voice and his accusations of her being a 'witch,' an 'elf,' and a 'strange, unearthly thing.' Such words, one must understand, bared a close resemblance to the harsh words she received as a child -her being called 'it' and an 'unnatural child.' If little else, Jane Eyre creates a fairly realistic portrait (just one among many) as to how people who were abused as children tend to handle relationships as adults. While there have been many film renditions of Jane Eyre over the past several decades, only one stands out in my mind as possessing the most profound portrayal of the iconic proposal scene. The following clip is from 1983 BBC miniseries of Jane Eyre, starring Zelah Clarke and Timothy Dalton:
The Phantom of the Opera Much like the story of Frankenstein's creature, Gaston Leroux's novel The Phantom of the Opera felt misplaced -to me -as a work of horror. True, the Phantom -Erik -did some rather horrific things throughout the story; however, I always found him to be redeemable on account that, what he did, he did out of a need for love. Over and over again, he was willing to kill and sabotage the members of the Opera Populaire only to prove his devotion to the young singer Christine Daae. As a child, my father introduced me to the original Broadway soundtrack for Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical adaptation of Leroux's novel. Although the cruelty of Erik is toned down a bit for the theatre, the haunting ache that the Phantom possesses is reflected so profoundly in the music that it is hard to overlook. Such is especially true in the final few scenes of musical, as featured below: (NOTE: The following clip is from the 25th anniversary recording of the musical, starring Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess.)
Much the same as with 'The Bride of Frankenstein,' I cannot watch 'The Phantom of the Opera' without crying. And reading the book has only made me more sympathetic and understanding of the poor wretch that was Erik the Phantom. *SPOILER* I say "was" only because, unlike in Webber's musical, it can be assumed that -at the end of the novel -Erik dies from a broken heart.
What I Have Learned From "Monsters": While at least two of the three characters mentioned in this post are physically grotesque, what made them monsters is the fact that they were all rejected and scorned by society. While I usually say the following as a joke, it is true: People create their own monsters.
There are few social sins greater than being born disfigured, physically ugly. A close second would be to be born poor, economically disadvantaged. Even in the world of today, there are those poor souls who are set apart from the majority in a scornful manner simply because of physical appearance or financial depravity. And from scorn does the seed of malice take root.
There are those outcasts,however, who if shown a glimmer of kindness, can find it in themselves to rise above the hatred others show to and breed in them. Frankenstein's creature had the kind old man; Jane Eyre had Miss Temple, a teacher; and Erik had the Persian, who saved him.
If Literature teaches anything, it is that those who are typically deprived of Love tend to be the ones who come to understand the emotion best. At least, they come to know all the suffering and punishment of Love; and, sometimes, they get to reap its reward. Though, not always. Of the three mentioned, sadly, only Jane received a happy ending.
from 'The Phantom of the Opera, 25th Anniversary at Royal Albert Hall
If my three mentors have taught me anything, however, it is thus: Love is a gift, not a right. It is not expendable. Love sees past physical ugliness, to the depth and soul of a being. It is the child of Compassion and Respect. Truth and commitment are its cornerstones.
Love means enduring disappointments; and sometimes, it means having to let the other person go.
Love is a joy and a sacrifice. Love is an emotion, and it is a choice. It is a blessing and a curse. But it is worth it, all the same. Such is what the rejected know of Love.
I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City
to take back the child that you have stolen. . ."
-Sarah (Labyrinth)
It puzzles some people, the possibility that a twenty-five-year-old woman can still derive pleasure and entertainment from watching a children's movie. For me, this guilty pleasure of mine, that I brought over from my (late) childhood, is Jim Henson's Labyrinth. Especially within the past few years, I have had revived interest in ancient mythology and fairy tales. Perhaps, in a sense, I can blame this reawakening on Disney's release of more feminist feature films such as Tangled and Frozen. Yes, I was part of the generation who was quote-on-quote fortunate enough to have such female / princess role-models as Ariel, Jasmine, and Belle. However, looking back on these characters with adult eyes, were these women truly worth aspiring to? Ariel taught me to want more. She taught me to be curious of the quote-on-quote world above, as well as to question and challenge authority (especially parents) . . . But she was also a hoarder. And immature. Jasmine taught me to say "No!" She was determined that she was going to write her own story, to not allow her life to be dictated by the law or her station. She was as ferocious as her pet tiger! . . . But she always seemed to have her pantaloons in a bind. Belle taught me to love books. She was the 'odd one' in her hometown, yes; but she was not afraid to want the things that she did. She was not afraid to question the status quo, or to discourage the advances of the village 'pretty boy' . . . But she was also nosy and snobbish. And instead of having "so much more than they've got planned," Belle ended up getting married by the end of the film. In fact, all of the latter mentioned Disney princesses ended up getting married. Much like Bella Swan of the Twilight Saga, these girls' only major triumph was that they got married. In contrast, Sarah (from Labyrinth) taught me to grow up . . . and to stand on my own.
Meet Sarah
Sarah, portrayed by Jennifer Connelly
Sarah is the Every(wo)man of the story/movie 'Labyrinth.' She can almost be considered a cross between Alice (from Alice in Wonderland) and Dorothy (from The Wizard of Oz). At the beginning, she is shown to be a young woman, a teenager, who is holding fast to the fantasies of her childhood while the rest of the world attempts to force her to grow up. Sarah finds adult life, adult things, to be smothering and unfair. But it is this, her struggle to accept adulthood, that can make Sarah such a relate-able and valued character for many a woman -regardless of age. As the movie opens, Sarah is left home alone to babysit her infant half-brother Toby. Resenting the responsibility, and Toby's ceaseless crying, she 'accidentally' wishes for the goblins to come and take the child away. Realizing too late what she had done, Sarah begs Jareth the Goblin King (played by David Bowie) to return her brother to her. Jareth, who is in love with Sarah, tells her that the only way she can get her brother back is for Sarah to solve his labyrinth. Sarah accepts, knowing that she has only thirteen hours to meet Jareth's challenge before Toby is turned into a goblin. While wandering around an ever-changing labyrinth, and trying to avoid Jareth's sabotaging tactics, Sarah picks up three unlikely friends: Hoggle the Dwarf, Ludo the Beast, and Didymous the Knight. Like Sarah, the latter mentioned characters also carry a resemblance to Dorothy's companions in The Wizard of Oz. Lessons Learned As mentioned previously, Sarah starts her journey through the Jareth's labyrinth as a whiny, immature child. So much so that it can, at first, be hard to sympathize with her. Even Hoggle, upon first meeting the girl, points out to Sarah that she takes too many things for granted.
As her journey deepens, however, our heroine -both through her experiences and friendships -begins to change and grow.
The lessons that Sarah learns are as follows:
Never take things for granted. Sarah, in the beginning, took everything at face value and dismissed it if it did not agree with her ideals. So stuck in her ways was she that Sarah often found herself in even greater peril than before [she started]. It is only after she is poisoned by Jareth that Sarah learns to start asking questions . . .!
Life is rarely fair.One saying that Sarah carelessly throws around during the first half of the movie is "It's not fair!" Only when the phrase / accusation is turned on her (by Hoggle) does Sarah realize the weight and rebuttal to these words: ". . . but that's the way it is."
Sarah (Connelly) and Jareth (David Bowie)
Family (loved ones) matters more than possessions. After being poisoned and waking with amnesia, Sarah meets a rather gnarly-looking trash goblin who tries to convince her that material possessions are the only things worth seeking. But when Sarah comes across something that shakes her out of her confused state, she realizes just how worthless possessions truly are. "It's all junk!" she exclaims. "I have to save Toby!" It is in this defining moment of the story that Sarah truly becomes an adult. The only person who has power over you is YOU. Such is the greatest lesson, I believe, from Labyrinth. Often times over the course of life, an individual may feel powerless. None of us like the idea of being at the mercy of someone else. Sometimes, however, we feel like we have no choice; we must concede to the fact that other people have power / influence over us. Like Sarah, though, I have come to learn something: Power is given, not taken. The human spirit is the most relentless and indestructible weapon in Creation. As long as one maintains the fire within, nothing can stop, dominate, or destroy you -without your permission. Without a doubt, my favorite scene in Labyrinth is Sarah's final confrontation with Jareth:
Although the above lesson / scene is vital, there is one last thing that Sarah learns: Don't be afraid to need your inner child. Although Sarah ends her journey back at home, smarter and wiser than she was before leaving, she knows that she cannot fully turn her back on her childhood fantasies. Sometimes, an adult needs to channel back to his/her inner child. Children have an innate talent for finding magic in the world; they have the ability to see good in everything. As adults, we need to remember how to see magic, to see good, around us and in us. When we stop, a part of us dies. And so does magic. Sarah, hands down, is one of my favorite fictional heroines. She is the reason that I continue to watch Labyrinth.
Whether the writing was on the walls or the reality was "lovingly" glossed over, no one (male or female) is ever prepared for a breakup. Along with it being a time of bliss and engagements, the Yuletide season can also be a time of pain and separations. The holidays, understandably being the most stressful time of the year, can force people to see certain aspects of life and relationships more clearly than ever -both the good and the ugly.
Breakup 101 When it comes to breakups, there are some things that everyone knows but so rarely shares (or acknowledges). For starters: Breakups are a form of death. Perhaps, it is the cruelest kind of death. Particularly because the person that was, technically, lost is still breathing and walking about the world . . . without you. And with all deaths, all forms of traumatic loss, there is a period of grieving. In the psychological world, there is an identified cycle of emotions for those in mourning. And while there are more technical textbook definitions for each stage, I shall present them in the form of quotes that my readers may be altogether (too) familiar with:
STAGE ONE: Denial - "I can't believe this is happening . . .!"
STAGE TWO: Anger - "How could he/she do this to me?!"
STAGE THREE: Bargaining - "If I [insert action], maybe he/she will take me back."
STAGE FOUR: Depression - "Without him/her, I have no reason to live . . ."
STAGE FIVE: Acceptance - "It happened. Life goes on."
Of course, these stages do not always go in order; and, sometimes, a few of them might be repeated over the course of the healing process. Just know, however, that what you may be experiencing is entirely normal. It's human.
Messages from the Media
Edward and Bella . . . Enough said.
Obviously, this humble blogger has little to no respect for the popular media. This is not only true in terms of the media's projected idea(s) of what constitutes the perfect feminine body, but also in its message that a female should harbor a life-or-death need for a mate.
American society likes to endorse couples. During the time that males are encouraged to wander, party, and hookup (in their 20s), their female counterparts are told that they need to look sexy and seek companionship. Obviously, when there are two differing types of memos in circulation, hearts are going to get broken.
Maturity and communication: two things that the media doesn't endorse, but elements that are vital, nonetheless, to a relationship.
Don't allow society, or your social circle, to make you feel guilty for being dumped. Relationships are hard work; and they only thrive when both halves are happy, fulfilled, and communicating.
What I Have Come to Realize Whether you had been in your relationship for three weeks or three months or
three years, breaking up still 'sucks' -using the colloquial term.
The following are some of the things that I have come to realize whilst recovering from my recent relationship catastrophe:
LESSON #1 - Closure is self-attained. In at least three of the grieving stages, there exists a desire to seek out explanations and to assign blame. At the end of it all, what caused the breakup does not truly matter. (Unless one-half of the party was abusive or unfaithful. Then what more of an explanation is needed?) Erase the storyline and acknowledge, wholeheartedly, this one fact: Choices were made. Period. End of story.
LESSON #2 - You're going to hurt; and that's okay. In life, pain is inevitable; but suffering is optional. Suffering is a choice; a choice that can, in its most destructive form, turn into depression. But fight against the urge to spiral (too far) down.
There will be days when you will not want to eat, or you are unable to eat. There will be days when you cannot get out of bed, or nights that you cannot sleep. In just a short amount of time, you might experience more stomachaches and headaches -as well as chest pains -than you thought reasonable or possible. But the worst thing you can do is to be angry at yourself when this happens. Remember: You are hurting because it (your Love) was real. Ride out the pain. It's okay to have bad days. You have to have bad days now in order to have good ones in the future.
LESSON #3 - There is happiness and freedom in being single. See your single life as a chance to blossom. Again, post-breakup life can be a destructive phase for many people (male and/or female). Take this time to explore yourself and find new interests. Rediscover yourself; love yourself. Proceed with caution, though: Only make a change that will benefit you. As the other person is no longer in the picture, changing for your ex is counterproductive. You are the only one who matters now.
LESSON #4 - Stay busy. Staying busy is key. Go back to school. Travel to another state or country. Establish a weekly Girls' Night Out. Volunteer at the food bank. Do something and do it as often as possible. You cannot miss someone when you are too caught up in living. LESSON #5 - Love is Love. (With a capital "L.") Love is the most irrational emotion that one can experience; which explains why some of the things we do, sometimes the things that cause breakups, are illogical and childish. But Love is also an ability; a blessed experience.
While caught up in the bliss of the experience, however, we sometimes forget that Love is also a great source of pain.
When all is said and done, it's okay to still be in Love with your ex. But like Ingrid Michaelson says in her song "Maybe":
If you have the last hands that I want to hold Then I know I've got to let them go.
P.S.For those days when you need to shut yourself inside and wallow, I have a few short lists of favorites that may prove useful to you, my heartbroken brothers and sisters:
- MY TOP 5 POST-BREAKUP MOVIES - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Legally Blonde My Fair Lady The Silver Lining Playbook 500 Days of Summer
- MY TOP 8 POST-BREAKUP SONGS - "Maybe" - Ingrid Michaelson "Stronger Woman" - Jewel "You're the Only Place" - Josh Groban "Tomorrow" - Avril Lavigne "Haven't Met You Yet" - Michael Buble "The Heart of Life" - John Meyer "There's More to Me Than You" - Jessica Andrews "It's A Beautiful Day" - Michael Buble
This morning on Yahoo!, I came upon an article that was a bit disturbing: "Half of Women Won't Let Partners See Them Without Makeup for a Year. Really?" by Joanna Douglas, Senior Editor. To quote the opening paragraph of the article: "A new survey
in the U.K. polled women between the ages of 18 and 30 and found that
54% wouldn’t let their significant other see them without makeup until
they’d been dating for over a year."
It is next to Ms. Douglas that I stand on this matter and ask in a rather disgusted, disbelieving voice, "Really?"
A Brief History Lesson Over three hundred years ago, in the time of the Salem Witch Trials, a woman wearing makeup would have been deemed a devil-worshiper and sentenced to burn. Today, a woman wearing makeup -if she applies it 'right' -is looked upon as a sex goddess. Where and when did this shift occur? According to a rather interesting timeline that I found on Cosmeticsinfo.org, the earliest usage of makeup in a civilization can be traced as far back as 10,000 BCE. Recorded as being used first by the Egyptians, cosmetics were an essential part of daily hygiene. The Greeks and Japanese both used a form of white lead or powder to cover the entire face -as a reflection of status. The latter practices of imitating a natural pale complexion was especially popular amongst the European aristocracy in 1500 to 1600 AD -during the reign of such monarchs as Queen Elizabeth I. Ironically, it was said that her lead-based facial powder (her famous "Mask of Youth") is what contributed to the sickness that caused the Virgin Queen's death.
Nearly three hundred years later, Queen Victoria publicly deemed makeup to be improper. As such it could only be used by stage performers.
The latter belief shifted in the 1900s, during the Edwardian period. Beauty salons increased in popularity. This overturn in demand is said to have come from middle-aged women who desired more youthful appearances. So ashamed were many of these women to admit their needs to look younger, however, that they were said to enter salons from the backdoor.
Today, particularly in the United States, there are little to no restrictions on a woman to buy or wear makeup. It's All About Confidence The survey mentioned above, and in Douglas's article, was conducted by the British skincare company Flint + Flint. In response to the findings mentioned above, brand owner Maxine Flint had this to say:
“We were shocked to find out so many women feel so insecure about their
skin that they would hide behind their makeup for such a long length of
time. We would have expected less body
confidence than skin shyness. It’s a shame that us women appear to have
so many hang ups about ourselves and we hope that our Flint + Flint
beauty range will help to bring some well-needed confidence back. They
do say after all that beauty is skin deep!”
It is true, the first year of dating -like the first year of marriage -is the most stressful, the most unnerving. In every thing that she does, every way that she looks, a woman want her new boyfriend to think that she is the most beautiful female in the world. And if he doesn't, who can blame him for leaving or cheating... right?
Mostly, the latter mentioned insecurity is an enforced belief of society. Commercials and billboards are constantly telling women to look younger, flawless, and sexy. And if we are not, then it is our fault when the men walk away. So, when we finally reel in a catch, a woman will commonly seek out every physical path and measure to keep the male interested.
Legitimate dating, however, is not like an audition for Cosmopolitan Magazine. Having everything on the surface and nothing underneath (intelligence, interests, ambitions) is what will cause a real man to run away.
I am as self-conscious of my facial faults as any woman; and, yes, I use cosmetic on a daily basis to mask their presence. That tendency, however, has mostly been for the public's benefit.
As for my boyfriend: After a few months of dating, we began to travel out of town together -for band practice and visiting friends on the weekends. The first time I let him see me without makeup, admittedly, I cheated: the room was dark, and I woke up before he did. For sure, though, he saw me plain-faced within the first six months of our relationship. Now, living together, he sees me every day without makeup As he has yet to cower or run away screaming, I assume he bares no disgust for my natural face.
True, I do not go out in public without at least a light smear of foundation on my face. Mostly, this preference stems from the fact that I never know when or where I might bump into a classmate or my boss. In the safe zone that is my apartment, however, I have no shame in being bare-skinned; especially around my boyfriend.
If you love your beau, ladies, show him your flaws.
In less than a week, I will be celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday.
Ah yes, the big two-five. Even in this post-modern age, living to be a quarter-of-a-century in age can and should be considered a big accomplishment. Of course, making it this far in life does not come without its blunders and difficulties. Although, I do like to think that my victory laps greatly surpass my missteps.
Below is a list of twenty-five tokens of wisdom that I have collected over the years:
1 - There are responsibilities that come with being a woman. Traditionally, the woman has been the one left responsible for not only continuing the family line but also to educate her offspring. She keeps the house together and stands by her husband (or partner). Nowadays, however, a woman is also responsible for herself: her finances, her education, her aspirations. Also, if she is a feminist, it is her responsibility to speak up for other minorities in the midst of injustice.
2 - Every book makes a difference. Being a Literature major, I am understandably bias when it comes to the power of books. It is a proven fact, however, that reading expands a person's vocabulary as well as his/her knowledge-base.
3 - Age does not guarantee maturity. I have met some mature teenagers, and I have met some immature adults. Age is but a number; whereas maturity is a cultivated lifestyle.
4 - Mom and Dad are not always right . . . But then, sometimes, they are. One is never too old to seek and heed advice from one's parents. On occasion, we of the younger generation develop this mindset that anything our parents have to say is outdated and irrelevant to our lives. Such, however, is not always the case. The problems of today are nothing new to the world. Therefore, take into consideration any insight(s) that your parents may have to offer.
5 - Lipstick and chocolate are survival essentials. In her purse, every woman should have at least one lipstick and a few pieces of chocolate. One can make you look like Elizabeth Taylor in a pinch; the other can either fix your mood or quiet your stomach.
6 - Some people are just cruel. Sadly, there is nothing that can be done about mean people. That is, except, try not to follow their example. At the end of the day, you are responsible for you and your (re)actions.
7 - Interests and aspirations don't expire. Since I was a child, I can remember wanting to learn how to play the violin. Circumstances in life, however, prevented me from doing so until I was 24. And while I am still quite the novice, the feelings of accomplishment I get from playing are phenomenal. Therefore, don't deter from trying something; especially if you think that you are too old.
8 - Asking for help is not a crime. Seeking help from others is not an insult on your intelligence or skill. Try not to perceive it as such.
9 - I am not my possessions. Living in a consumerist society, it is easy to fall into the mindset of "I want." However, owning a great deal of something -books, clothing, movies, cars -will not help you become a better person. A minimalist lifestyle is less cluttered, which means less stressful. 10 - Skydiving is a must. Personally, I am a woman who prefers to keep her feet -physically -on the ground. Earlier this year, however, my boyfriend's parents surprised me with an opportunity to go skydiving. Truthfully, I was scared to do it. Looking back on it now, I can still feel the butterflies fluttering in aggravation in my stomach. However, I would not have traded the experience -the fear, the worry, the adrenaline -for anything. Jumping from an airplane at 10,000 feet in the air certainly puts things in a different perspective.
For a brief heartbeat in the timeline of the world, I was Superwoman. 11 - Profanity is overrated.Heaven knows there is a great deal of damning and f-bombing in movies these days. So much so that I feel quite privileged to have grown up with such classics as Singin' In the Rain (1952) and The Bride of Frankenstein (1935). However, not everyone was as blessed. Watching vulgar, modern movies and being around people who swear profusely can rub off onto you. Using profanity does not an adult make; it will not make people respect you more. Rather, the usage is a sour display of intelligence and maturity. 12 - Have a few cards up your sleeve. Always keep a deck of cards on hand. More importantly, though, know at least three games in which to play them with. (And no, solitaire does not count!) 13 - There is no need to conform. Dabble in different interests from your friends. Challenge ideas that are not your own. Pushing boundaries is as healthy as it is necessary (sometimes). 14 - It's enough to believe in something. From infancy, some of us are raised to be a form of Christian: Catholic, Baptist, Mormon, Lutheran, etcetera. However, some people learn over time that they do not belong in a cookie-cutter religion. Therefore, go out and explore. Become a buddhist, or a pagan. My request: just find something to believe in. 15 - Alone does not mean lonely. Human are social creatures. Some people are so sociable, in fact, that it is unnerving for them to be alone. Being in seclusion from other people, however, is not always a bad thing. From experience, the act of being alone can often be education -as I learn more about myself and what I like. Don't be afraid to treat yourself to a nice table for one at your favorite restaurant; or to take yourself out to a movie on occasion. 16 - Grudges are poisonous. There is a saying: 'Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.' Heed these words, for they are the truth. 17 - Be self-sufficient and self-reliant.You’re the only one responsible for taking care of your wants and needs. Having and maintaining your own source of income can do wonders for a person's confidence and freedom. Learn how to take care of yourself, physically and psychologically.
18 - Have a little black dress. For years, my wardrobe primarily consisted of blue jeans and graphic t-shirts. Having at least one dress in my closet, however, has come through for me multiple times in the wake of a dinner date or special occasion. Moral of the story: you allow yourself to have at least one piece of an adult wardrobe, invest in a little black dress. Everything else will find its way into your closet in time.
19 - Food from the stove tastes better. In other words, learn how to cook. Forsake the ramen noodles and microwavable macaroni; or even a burrito from the local fast food place. Learn how to make such things as soup -using real broth and fresh vegetables -and spaghetti. Start small and work your way up.
20 - Be open. Learn to stand up for yourself when you need to. Don't be afraid to tell people, or yourself, what you want.
21 - There is no 'them.' There is no Big Brother or Big Sister watching and waiting for you to mess up. There is no one out there for you to compete with, no matter what society would have you believe. Why put that kind of pressure on yourself? Do your thing and the world will do its. End of story.
22 - Friends come and go. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay. If someone leaves, don't be offended. As we say in Texas, just pick up your bootstraps and carry on.
23 - When in doubt, go with your gut. Sometimes, logic simply fails. In such cases, go with what feels right and natural. As mentioned before, only you know what is best for you. And only you will have to face the consequences -just in case everything doesn't go right.
24 - Be your own definition of a 'Real Woman.'In the Victoria Era, there arose an ideology best known as the 'Cult of True Womanhood.' In essence, a true woman was meant to be submissive to her husband in all things. This idea transitioned through the years and is perfectly depicted in such 1950s sitcoms such as Leave It to Beaver and The Donna Reid Show. Today, however, the definition of a real woman is flexible. We modern American females have the luxury of choosing to be whatever we want to be; whether that is a housewife, a doctor, a librarian, or a CEO. We get to decide who and if we want to marry, and if we want children. The gender role you inhabit is yours to define.
But most important of all is this: 25 - It's okay not to have everything figured out.You and I can worry about that in our next twenty-five years.
