Shameless

This morning on Yahoo!, I came upon an article that was a bit disturbing: "Half of Women Won't Let Partners See Them Without Makeup for a Year. Really?" by Joanna Douglas, Senior Editor.

To quote the opening paragraph of the article: "A new survey in the U.K. polled women between the ages of 18 and 30 and found that 54% wouldn’t let their significant other see them without makeup until they’d been dating for over a year."

It is next to Ms. Douglas that I stand on this matter and ask in a rather disgusted, disbelieving voice, "Really?"

A Brief History Lesson
Over three hundred years ago, in the time of the Salem Witch Trials, a woman wearing makeup would have been deemed a devil-worshiper and sentenced to burn. Today, a woman wearing makeup -if she applies it 'right' -is looked upon as a sex goddess. 

Where and when did this shift occur?

According to a rather interesting timeline that I found on Cosmeticsinfo.org, the earliest usage of makeup in a civilization can be traced as far back as 10,000 BCE. Recorded as being used first by the Egyptians, cosmetics were an essential part of daily hygiene. The Greeks and Japanese both used a form of white lead or powder to cover the entire face -as a reflection of status.

The latter practices of imitating a natural pale complexion was especially popular amongst the European aristocracy in 1500 to 1600 AD -during the reign of such monarchs as Queen Elizabeth I. Ironically, it was said that her lead-based facial powder (her famous "Mask of Youth") is what contributed to the sickness that caused the Virgin Queen's death. 

Nearly three hundred years later, Queen Victoria publicly deemed makeup to be improper. As such it could only be used by stage performers.

The latter belief shifted in the 1900s, during the Edwardian period. Beauty salons increased in popularity. This overturn in demand is said to have come from middle-aged women who desired more youthful appearances. So ashamed were many of these women to admit their needs to look younger, however, that they were said to enter salons from the backdoor.

Today, particularly in the United States, there are little to no restrictions on a woman to buy or wear makeup. 

It's All About Confidence
The survey mentioned above, and in Douglas's article, was conducted by the British skincare company Flint + Flint. In response to the findings mentioned above, brand owner Maxine Flint had this to say:

“We were shocked to find out so many women feel so insecure about their skin that they would hide behind their makeup for such a long length of time. We would have expected less body confidence than skin shyness. It’s a shame that us women appear to have so many hang ups about ourselves and we hope that our Flint + Flint beauty range will help to bring some well-needed confidence back. They do say after all that beauty is skin deep!”

It is true, the first year of dating -like the first year of marriage -is the most stressful, the most unnerving.  In every thing that she does, every way that she looks, a woman want her new boyfriend to think that she is the most beautiful female in the world. And if he doesn't, who can blame him for leaving or cheating... right? 

Mostly, the latter mentioned insecurity is an enforced belief of society. Commercials and billboards are constantly telling women to look younger, flawless, and sexy. And if we are not, then it is our fault when the men walk away. So, when we finally reel in a catch, a woman will commonly seek out every physical path and measure to keep the male interested.

Legitimate dating, however, is not like an audition for Cosmopolitan Magazine. Having everything on the surface and nothing underneath (intelligence, interests, ambitions) is what will cause a real man to run away.

I am as self-conscious of my facial faults as any woman; and, yes, I use cosmetic on a daily basis to mask their presence. That tendency, however, has mostly been for the public's benefit. 

As for my boyfriend: After a few months of dating, we began to travel out of town together -for band practice and visiting friends on the weekends. The first time I let him see me without makeup, admittedly, I cheated: the room was dark, and I woke up before he did. For sure, though, he saw me plain-faced within the first six months of our relationship. Now, living together, he sees me every day without makeup  As he has yet to cower or run away screaming, I assume he bares no disgust for my natural face.

True, I do not go out in public without at least a light smear of foundation on my face. Mostly, this preference stems from the fact that I never know when or where I might bump into a classmate or my boss. In the safe zone that is my apartment, however, I have no shame in being bare-skinned; especially around my boyfriend. 

If you love your beau, ladies, show him your flaws.

Counting Down to 25

In less than a week, I will be celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday.

Ah yes, the big two-five. Even in this post-modern age, living to be a quarter-of-a-century in age can and should be considered a big accomplishment. Of course, making it this far in life does not come without its blunders and difficulties. Although, I do like to think that my victory laps greatly surpass my missteps.

Below is a list of twenty-five tokens of wisdom that I have collected over the years:

1 - There are responsibilities that come with being a woman. Traditionally, the woman has been the one left responsible for not only continuing the family line but also to educate her offspring. She keeps the house together and stands by her husband (or partner). Nowadays, however, a woman is also responsible for herself: her finances, her education, her aspirations. 

Also, if she is a feminist, it is her responsibility to speak up for other minorities in the midst of injustice.

2 - Every book makes a difference. Being a Literature major, I am understandably bias when it comes to the power of books. It is a proven fact, however, that reading expands a person's vocabulary as well as his/her knowledge-base. 

3 - Age does not guarantee maturity. I have met some mature teenagers, and I have met some immature adults. Age is but a number; whereas maturity is a cultivated lifestyle. 

4 - Mom and Dad are not always right . . . But then, sometimes, they are. One is never too old to seek and heed advice from one's parents. On occasion, we of the younger generation develop this mindset that anything our parents have to say is outdated and irrelevant to our lives. Such, however, is not always the case. The problems of today are nothing new to the world. Therefore, take into consideration any insight(s) that your parents may have to offer. 

5 - Lipstick and chocolate are survival essentials. In her purse, every woman should have at least one lipstick and a few pieces of chocolate. One can make you look like Elizabeth Taylor in a pinch; the other can either fix your mood or quiet your stomach.

6 - Some people are just cruel. Sadly, there is nothing that can be done about mean people. That is, except, try not to follow their example. At the end of the day, you are responsible for you and your (re)actions. 

7 - Interests and aspirations don't expire. Since I was a child, I can remember wanting to learn how to play the violin. Circumstances in life, however, prevented me from doing so until I was 24. And while I am still quite the novice, the feelings of accomplishment I get from playing are phenomenal. Therefore, don't deter from trying something; especially if you think that you are too old.

8 - Asking for help is not a crime. Seeking help from others is not an insult on your intelligence or skill. Try not to perceive it as such. 

9 - I am not my possessions. Living in a consumerist society, it is easy to fall into the mindset of "I want." However, owning a great deal of something -books, clothing, movies, cars -will not help you become a better person. A minimalist lifestyle is less cluttered, which means less stressful.

10 - Skydiving is a must. Personally, I am a woman who prefers to keep her feet -physically -on the ground. Earlier this year, however, my boyfriend's parents surprised me with an opportunity to go skydiving. Truthfully, I was scared to do it. Looking back on it now, I can still feel the butterflies fluttering in aggravation in my stomach. However, I would not have traded the experience -the fear, the worry, the adrenaline -for anything. Jumping from an airplane at 10,000 feet in the air certainly puts things in a different perspective. 

For a brief heartbeat in the timeline of the world, I was Superwoman.

11 - Profanity is overrated. Heaven knows there is a great deal of damning and f-bombing in movies these days. So much so that I feel quite privileged to have grown up with such classics as Singin' In the Rain (1952) and The Bride of Frankenstein (1935). However, not everyone was as blessed. Watching vulgar, modern movies and being around people who swear profusely can rub off onto you. 

Using profanity does not an adult make; it will not make people respect you more. Rather, the usage is a sour display of intelligence and maturity.

12 - Have a few cards up your sleeve. Always keep a deck of cards on hand. More importantly, though, know at least three games in which to play them with. (And no, solitaire does not count!)

13 - There is no need to conform. Dabble in different interests from your friends. Challenge ideas that are not your own. Pushing boundaries is as healthy as it is necessary (sometimes).

14 - It's enough to believe in something. From infancy, some of us are raised to be a form of Christian: Catholic, Baptist, Mormon, Lutheran, etcetera. However, some people learn over time that they do not belong in a cookie-cutter religion. Therefore, go out and explore. Become a buddhist, or a pagan. My request: just find something to believe in. 

15 - Alone does not mean lonely. Human are social creatures. Some people are so sociable, in fact, that it is unnerving for them to be alone. Being in seclusion from other people, however, is not always a bad thing. From experience, the act of being alone can often be education -as I learn more about myself and what I like. Don't be afraid to treat yourself to a nice table for one at your favorite restaurant; or to take yourself out to a movie on occasion. 

16 - Grudges are poisonous. There is a saying: 'Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.' Heed these words, for they are the truth.

17 - Be self-sufficient and self-reliant. You’re the only one responsible for taking care of your wants and needs. Having and maintaining your own source of income can do wonders for a person's confidence and freedom. Learn how to take care of yourself, physically and psychologically. 

18 - Have a little black dress. For years, my wardrobe primarily consisted of blue jeans and graphic t-shirts. Having at least one dress in my closet, however, has come through for me multiple times in the wake of a dinner date or special occasion. Moral of the story: you allow yourself to have at least one piece of an adult wardrobe, invest in a little black dress. Everything else will find its way into your closet in time.

19 - Food from the stove tastes better. In other words, learn how to cook. Forsake the ramen noodles and microwavable macaroni; or even a burrito from the local fast food place. Learn how to make such things as soup -using real broth and fresh vegetables -and spaghetti. Start small and work your way up.

20 - Be open. Learn to stand up for yourself when you need to. Don't be afraid to tell people, or yourself, what you want.

21 - There is no 'them.' There is no Big Brother or Big Sister watching and waiting for you to mess up. There is no one out there for you to compete with, no matter what society would have you believe. Why put that kind of pressure on yourself? Do your thing and the world will do its. End of story.

22 - Friends come and go. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay. If someone leaves, don't be offended. As we say in Texas, just pick up your bootstraps and carry on.

23 - When in doubt, go with your gut. Sometimes, logic simply fails. In such cases, go with what feels right and natural. As mentioned before, only you know what is best for you. And only you will have to face the consequences -just in case everything doesn't go right.


24 - Be your own definition of a 'Real Woman.' In the Victoria Era, there arose an ideology best known as the 'Cult of True Womanhood.' In essence, a true woman was meant to be submissive to her husband in all things. This idea transitioned through the years and is perfectly depicted in such 1950s sitcoms such as Leave It to Beaver and The Donna Reid Show. Today, however, the definition of a real woman is flexible. We modern American females have the luxury of choosing to be whatever we want to be; whether that is a housewife, a doctor, a librarian, or a CEO. We get to decide who and if we want to marry, and if we want children. The gender role you inhabit is yours to define.


But most important of all is this:


25 - It's okay not to have everything figured out. You and I can worry about that in our next twenty-five years. 

The Savvy Fashionista: Looking Stylish While on a Budget

Change your appearance and change what you do with your time - 

and your life will change. You are more in control than you think. 

- Unknown

Whether by natural instinct or social conditioning, the average woman is self-conscious of her appearance. Before she even opens her mouth, a woman knows that she is being judged by not only the design but also the appearance of her clothes.

For the young female just starting out on her odyssey through the professional world, money may be too scarce for her to simply through out her old wardrobe of t-shirts and jeans for blouses and slacks. There are ways, however, to look fabulous while also being frugal. 

The tips that will be featured in the coming portion of this post are blended snip-its from the website GoGirlFinance.com. A number of them are economic tactics that I have used myself; and, thus, they are courses of action that I trust.

Establish Spending Room
In a previous post, I mentioned the budget setup known as the '50/20/30 Plan.' To review: some financial aficionados suggest that, first, a paycheck should be divided in half. The first 50 percent should be used on 'fixed expenses,' which are described as the expenses that are consistent each month -rent, utilities, etc. From there, the second half of the paycheck should be divided as follows: 20% for savings and 30% for free-spending. 

While the plan's setup is only a recommendation, it does offer a sense of security: it provides a way of maintaining personal needs (like shelter and food) while also funding wants (like entertainment and fashion).

Sell Old Clothes
Some consignment shops will offer either money or [store] credit in exchange for old, well-kept clothing. While a number of such stores have a policy about accepting only popular brands (Gap, Abercrombie, etcetera), a few consignment shops are willing to accept anything.

Borrowing and Trading
In the beginning, sometimes it may prove necessary to borrow and/or trade clothes with a close friend or relative. 

A former roommate of mine shared in a kind of trade circle with a few of her most intimate friends: Every month, my roommate would bring home a trash bag full of clothes and go through each article one by one. If she decided to keep a piece of clothing, she would put a replacement article (an old shirt or pair of jeans) into the bag before passing it on. Whatever is left in the bag, after it has been gone through by the last person in the circuit, is then donated.

(NOTE: Should you decide to seek a loan in clothes, please be sure to follow borrowing etiquette.)

Identify the Essentials
When rebuilding a wardrobe from (almost) scratch, it would prove beneficial to identify what pieces of clothing you need to purchase immediately. 

If you are a young [female] professional in need of a workplace-friendly wardrobe, consider the following list:

• a black dress
• a knee-length skirt
• a white blouse
• a well-designed bra
• a black blazer
• a trench coat
• a black handbag
• quality blue jeans [one pair]
• black dress pants
• black mid-heel shoes
• black flat-heeled shoes

As the economic situation changes, feel free to add on. Keep in mind, several webpages exist that offer differing lists and suggestions than the one(s) featured above. For further inspiration, consider consulting such sites as Pinterest; or some of the following web-articles:

• "Transform Your Wardrobe" by Nicola Conville
• "Wardrobe Staples Women Must Have Among Their Clothing Items" by Jill Martin and Pierre A. Lehu
• "What Is Professional Business Attire for Women?" by Geneveive Ang

Develop Shopping Smarts
When it comes to being a savvy fashionista, quality needs to override quantity. To explain: Your clothes should be considered an investment. Cheap clothing can often become frayed or deformed after a few tumbles through the wash. And rather than wear something that is faded and torn, a woman will often go out and buy a replacement. Over time, the constant replacement of poorly made clothing can add up to more -over time -than the cost of a better, well-designed version of each article.

Good Cleaning Methods
When it comes to acquiring and wearing quality-style clothing, a new style of cleaning may need to be developed. Adding onto what was said previously: Your clothes should not only be considered an investment, they should also be treated as such. Because of the material, these clothes may have to be treated by hand-washing or dry-cleaning. Be sure to look at the tag of each item for a better idea of how to keep each piece in ideal condition.

Quality Wardrobe Advantages
Having a quality wardrobe can have a positive impact on a person's psyche. Wearing an outfit that consists of well-maintained and well-tailored clothing can build and exude confidence within an individual. Likewise, poorly kept and inappropriately fitted clothes can increase a person's insecurities.

Develop Your Style
While a quality wardrobe should have invoke a sense of elegance and respectability, it should also carry a bit of the wearer's personality. 

Remember: look good, save money, and have fun!

No Ring, No Rest!

For centuries, the feminine sex has been saddled with two weighty expectations: marriage and motherhood. While it is a relief to know that modern American society no longer acknowledges the latter roles as being a woman's only purposes in life, the same Old World pressures still exist. 

And no greater exertion of nagging on the latter matters takes place than during the holiday season.

For nearly two months, young women -especially those in their twenties and in a relationship -are plagued with questions that typically revolve around the themes of marriage and children. The biggest fiends of this emotional flagellation are often identified as worried mothers, pushy aunts, and 'encouraging' friends. And the media, come to think of it, does not help the unmarried individual's cause either -with those looped jewelry commercials sandwiched between holiday movie specials. 

True, there are some modern women who have naturally (or carefully cultivated) thick skin and are able to shield themselves from the pressures of social convention. In contrast, for those of us who have been bypassed by this form of evolution, Thanksgiving and Yuletide get-togethers can be as painful as undergoing a root canal procedure . . . without the Novocaine!

The Hypocrisy
I have never been married; I have never been engaged. For almost three years, though, I have been blessed to have a wonderful man in my life; a man who is kind, respectful, content, open-minded, intelligent, talented, and driven. Since the first month of our relationship, however, people have been asking us such questions as "How long have you two been married?" and "Why aren't you two married yet?"

While I admire the fact that people -strangers -take the time to notice and remark that my boyfriend and I make an adorable couple, I sometimes wish that they wouldn't. The observation is almost always followed by one of the above mentioned questions.

The responsibility falls to the woman to tame the man, to convince him that he cannot live without her. So she dolls herself up and laughs at his boyish jokes; she joins him for a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, or she attends classes to learn swing dancing. After a while, she may even come to reconsider her former beliefs on watching Family Guy or having premarital sex.

But after so much time comes to pass and no ring materializes, the questioning phase begins: "Am I doing something wrong?"

'Adelaide's Lament'
In the musical Guys and Dolls, the character Adelaide is introduced as the fiancee of the gangster Nathan Detroit. His fiancee, mind, for fourteen years! For a woman to wait around for over a decade for a man to finally stand up with her at the altar, some people may argue, is either a mark of saintly dedication or of low self-respect. 

The waiting did not come without repercussions, however. In the play, Adelaide suffered frequently from cold-like symptoms, sneezing and wheezing, accompanied by frazzled nerves and mood swings. According to such medical sources as the Mayo Clinic, all of the latter are expected signs of anxiety.

No, it would not be too far-fetched to say that the song - titled 'Adelaide's Lament' -is an exaggeration. On the other hand: for a number of women stuck in an emotional purgatory, waiting for a proposal, there may be something within the lyrics that stings with truth.

Whether by natural wiring or social conditioning, women tend to be tied strongly to their emotions. As a result, the longer that a woman remains in a romantic relationship, the greater her emotional investment. And as with any investment, the hope is that what 'currency' is put in comes back in greater value (volume) than before. A woman is taught that the biggest return payment she can hope for, in regard to a romantic attachment, is a ring and a wedding. When the return payment is stalled, however, jabs at both her reputation and judgement are likely to come about.

Sadly, not a great deal has changed since the age of Jane Austen.

The Extortion
Culturally, marriage has been turned into a commercialized industry. 

The American entertainment industry perpetually gangs up on women -with such television shows ranging from The Bachelorette to Wedding Wars -and strives to invoke both guilt and shame in the absence of an engagement.

But then, when an engagement is secured, a new kind of pressure emerges: the expectation to have a fairy tale wedding.

In my younger twenties, I had the mixed fortune of working for a wedding publication. As such, I spent many a weekend in the presence of engaged women and wedding consultants. Often what I witnessed seemed less associated with love than it did with image and profit.

Perhaps more myth than truth, a woman -supposedly -dreams of and plans for her wedding starting at a young age. It is the one day, she is lead to believe, that she can feel like and be seen as a princess -just like Cinderella, Belle, and Kate [Middleton] before her. So, naturally, everything must be perfect: the dress, the cake, the venue, the invitations, the flowers, the catering, guest lists, wedding favors . . . Material things, all of a sudden, take up more importance than the thing that supposedly got her to where she is in the first place: love.

Fairy tales can be expensive: According to an article from the Huffington Post, the average wedding in the United States can cost up to $28,427. 

. . . Suddenly, a modest elopement does not seem so bad . . .

Establish Boundaries
In regard to familial nagging, ladies, unfortunately there is little more than I can offer (in terms of advice) other than the words 'grin and bear it.'

No matter the century one finds herself in, the fundamental motive of marriage remains the same: children. Marrying for love, still, is a relatively new and revolutionary idea. For the American woman, it is a luxury she should not underestimate or abuse.

As the popular saying goes, the only behavior you can change is your own.

Therefore, consider these words next time when faced with questions or guilt concerning marriage:

• Is he truly 'the One'? Divorce is an ugly affair. Therefore, make sure you know who it is that you intend to marry. Also, understand from the beginning what it is that you are in for: marriage is a commitment, not a convenience.
• The biological clock is an exaggeration. Yes, a woman has a better chance of starting a family before the age of thirty; but don't have a child while you are still a child yourself. True, no one is ever ready to be a parent. Despite what your mother (or mother-in-law) may want you to believe, she can wait a year or two more to have a grandchild to spoil. After all, you are the one who is going to be changing the majority of those dirty diapers . . .
• Are you in a position to get married? In the days of yesteryear, the bride's parents would pay for her wedding. Nowadays, for many, it is the bride herself who is responsible for the bulk of the expenses. Be honest with yourself: Do you have a monthly income that can finance a wedding? Remember: The average American wedding can cost thousands of dollars. Do you want to start your new life off as an indentured servant to a credit card company?
• Have you fulfilled your ambitions? True, a woman's life does not end after she is married; or even after she's a mother. However, there are some things one should consider doing before 'settling down.' Get that college degree, or go backpacking through Europe. Spouses and children, while both gifts, can make youthful aspirations a bit harder to accomplish once they arrive.
• Respect yourself! Love is a beautiful experience; but no man is worth the loss of one's sanity and self-respect. Resist becoming the permanent girlfriend, live-in or not. If your intended mate gives no sign of permanent commitment, consider that it may be time to leave him and move on.

And what of the television, you may ask? Turn it off. 

Books are better for you anyway.

Oh, Shailene! (or "Feminism, and the Bad Wrap")

Shailene Woodley

Admittedly, I am an admirer of actress Shailene Woodley. Earlier this year, wrapped within the hype that surrounded the release of her movie 'The Fault in Our Stars,' it was discovered that she was a hardcore minimalist: First, the world learns that she makes her own beauty products and bottles spring water. Then it is learned that Woodley gave her house in Hollywood to her grandmother while she (Woodley) willing chooses to live out of a carry-on suitcase.

But then a new story surfaced: In May of this year, Eliana Dockterman -a reporter from Time Magazine -asked Woodley if she considered herself a feminist. 

Woodley's response was such:

"No because I love men, and I think the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance . . . My biggest thing is really sisterhood more than feminism. I don’t know how we as women expect men to respect us because we don’t even seem to respect each other. There’s so much jealousy, so much comparison and envy. And 'This girl did this to me and that girl did that to me.' And it’s just so silly and heartbreaking in a way."

As a feminist who respects and admires Woodley, I was devastated.

Where We Disagree

First of all, the majority of us DO NOT hate men. (Actually, a number of men in this world subscribe to feminist ideologies.) And if we do carry a sense of resentment toward the male gender, it is usually toward a certain kind of man. For example, I have no respect for males who take part in and promote the hook-up culture. To me, that means that they look down on women -holding little to no respect for a woman's well-being or virtue. (Note: I also have no respect for the women who take part in the hook-up culture because, those that I have observed, have little to no respect for themselves.) I also have no respect for men who abuse familial or political power to destroy the happiness of others.

Which leads into my second point of defense:

In relation to power, I only wish to take power away from men who enforce patriarchal ideologies and practices. For example, Boko Haram and ISIS: I firmly take a stand against these radical groups that thrive on destroying life and enslaving women. My stance is strong against sex trafficking and genital mutilation -although I recognize that both of these evils are not always caused by men; but they are normally endorsed by patriarchal societies.

Thirdly, we feminists are a sisterhood. True, we may not always agree on social and cultural platforms. At the foundation of it all, however, we are united. We feminists do not demand equal rights; we desire equal value (as men). And while some women may brutally criticize other females, that is merely a display of immaturity; it is not a representation of feminist values. It is just as heartbreaking to a number of us that such behavior persists.

"Dear Shailene..."
In short, Shailene Woodley appears to be speaking out against something that she does not fully seem to know or understand. We feminists are not terrorists; we are social reformers. (For example: If it weren't for feminism, there may not be female actors on stage or in movies today.) We stand up for the dignity and value of not only women but also other under-represented groups and interests -such as illegal immigrants, the environment, and much more. 

To say that you are a feminist means that you [possibly] take a stand against a number of the following: gender discrimination, social oppression, sex trafficking, child slavery, education deprivation, female illiteracy, child brides, ethnocentric crimes, religious persecution, political under-representation [of minorities], genital mutilation, habitat destruction, global pollution, social stalking, sexual victimization. . .

If the media stories are to be believed, it is my understanding that Shailene Woodley stands against a number of the social and global issues that I listed above.

Therefore, If I were to write her a letter, I would tell Miss Woodley this:

Dear Shailene,

Guess what: You are a feminist. Welcome to the sisterhood.

XOXO

Minimalism: The Silent Revolution

A dog owns nothing,

yet he is seldom dissatisfied.

-Irish proverb

Minimalism, otherwise called 'voluntary simplicity,' is a lifestyle that I have only become acquainted with within the past year. And while I do not claim to be an expert on the subject, or even a faithful practitioner, I do feel that what knowledge and experience I do possess can be of assistance to others. For minimalism, I have come to believe, is the first step -the key ingredient -in achieving the Platonic notion of transcendence.

Need vs. Want 
The biggest part in the minimalist transformation, the initial step of it all, is to throw off the shackles of consumerist society. By doing this, one must become skilled in distinguishing between personal wants and needs.

When one lives in a society that has mastered the art of manipulation through lights, images, and sounds, it can be easy for the average brain to be tricked into buying or doing something that will -supposedly -bring happiness into one's life. But what happens when that new novelty item -that new iPhone or car -losses its sparkle and shine? Well, according to Society, it is time to buy something newer and 'better' to curb the boredom. 

Soon, however, the process tends to repeat itself.

In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow established a hierarchy that organized the basic needs that all human beings seek to attain in order to achieve full contentment. This model has since become recognized as 'Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs' -a map to happiness that is designed in the shape of a pyramid, with the bottom of the base representing the most basic needs and ending with the more complex needs at the top.



As shown in the chart above, Maslow divided his hierarchy into five categories: Physiological Needs, Safety Needs, Social Needs, Esteem Needs, and Self-actualizing Needs. In order for one to pass onto the next level of happiness, it is theorized that one must have a firm foundation in the previous level.
 

The Physiological Needs are usually the easiest to attain; especially in first-world societies. Likewise, Safety Needs are not necessary hard to come upon. It is usually on the third tier of the pyramid that a number of people stumble back, hard and fast. 

In order to find social acceptance, especially acceptance amongst one's peers, a person may go out and buy a new Prada bag or a new sports vehicle. But this form of materialistic competition can be not only costly but futile; especially as most things tend to become obsolete, in time. (And really, considering their track record of misery, who wants to keep with the Kardashians?)

From the 1950s to the present, it has been estimated that the average American household has more than doubled in size (in terms of square-footage). This expansion in architecture, however, has nothing to do with with a burst in population. No, no. Rather, houses are growing to accommodate the average family's possessions.


Growing up, my family and I moved numerous times. Every few years, we loaded everything from the welcome mat to the washing machine into two full-size, eighteen-wheel trucks. 

As an adult, relocating from one city to another for graduate school, I carried enough baggage with me to fill a ten-foot truck. 


Both then and now, I remember throwing up my hands and yelling, "Why do I have so much stuff?!"


Hence my attraction to minimalism, and my willingness to spread this non-consumerist ideology.


Challenge Yourself
For first-time minimalists, there is a 30 day challenge that one can experiment with: 

At the beginning of the month, find three (3) cardboard boxes. Label each one as either "Keep," "Donate," and "Trash." Each day, for the next month, place one (1) item into each box. At the end of the 30 (or 31) days, return the "Keep" items to their rightful place in your home; take the "Donate" items to a local Goodwill or family shelter; and discard the "Trash" items into then nearest waste or recycle bins.

And then, repeat. Repeat, repeat, and repeat the challenge until your home feels less suffocating.


Budget Paychecks
One of the reasons people choose the academic majors and professional positions is for money. Money, typically, that is used to buy a great many things that we are almost convinced will make up happy; or prestigious amongst our family and friends, if nothing else.

Money is never a good reason to put up with a job that you despise, or to attain pointless knick-knacks.  For as the old cliche goes, "You can't take it with you."

Apply the 50/30/20 rule to your next paycheck: Separate half of it (50%) to spend toward your fixed expenses, such as monthly utilities and student loans; and then divide the second half the amount into 30% and 20%. The largest part (the 30%) can be used for recreational uses, while the remaining amount (the 20%) should be invested in a savings account for emergencies.

 

Move Downward

Not comfortable about having a great deal of space in your house? Considering downsizing to an apartment; or, downsize your size of house.

On Netflix one afternoon, I happened upon a documentary titled "Tiny." Apparently, linked to minimalism is another small revolution called the 'Tiny House Movement.' Especially along the west coast of the United States, there are individuals who are willingly choosing to live in a house that is barely larger than a 1960s Volkswagen van. While this idea may seem intimidating (and borderline claustrophobic-inducing), it challenges the belief of how much space a human being truly needs in order to survive, or to be happy.

Revolutionaries Unite!
As mentioned in a previous post of mine, Plato picked on the human race (particularly women) for lacking transcendence. In his mind, transcendence meant the ability to break away from such earthly ideologies as the over-possession (or obsession) with worldly goods. And while I certainly do not agree with Plato on a number of grounds, I do believe him to have been on to something: What good comes from possessing more than one needs? 

In truth, living in overabundance and beyond means invokes stress and shortens lifespans. So, having too much can lead to stress that can lead me to live an even shorter life to enjoy the things that I am killing myself to have? In what universe does that make sense?

Although it presents a struggle, going against the consumerist beliefs that I raised to value, I choose to pursue minimalism.

 

American Hook Up Culture: Nothing New?

Going from a small university town to a large one, I continually find myself in a state of culture shock -perpetually surprised by my new classmates' liberal lifestyles. And while many of the changes are refreshing, there is one that I find myself butting heads against: the quote-on-quote Hook-up Culture.

While researching this romanticized lifestyle, I was shocked to discover that the history of this no-strings-attached approach to love actually extends back much further than the Summer of Love of the 1960s. Rather, it began in the nineteenth century! 


Nineteenth Century Free Love 
The 'first wave' of America's Free Love Movement is said to have arisen in the mid-nineteenth century, when this country was caught up in the sweep of spiritualism. Despite it's rather scandalous title, though, the idea behind the Free Love Movement was to challenge the cold, business-like institution that was the traditional marriage. (The entire concept of two individuals marrying for love was still alien to Western culture at this time.)

Being a Free Lover typically meant that an individual could/would "freely choose a monogamous sexual partner and to freely choose to end a marriage or relationship when love ended" (Johnson Lewis). A concept called 'voluntary motherhood' was also introduced.

One of the Movement's first, and most famous, pioneers was a woman named Victoria Woodhull -the woman who would later be nominated by the Equal Rights Party to be their candidate in the 1872 presidential election (against Frederick Douglass and Ulysses S. Grant). In her own words:

Victoria Woodhull

"Yes, I am a Free Lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or as short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please, and with that right neither you nor any law you can frame have any right to interfere." 

 While the majority of the nation was under the impression that the Free Lovers were trying to promote promiscuity, the exact opposite was actually taking place. Rather, the Free Lovers considered themselves to be the practitioners of a new, modified kind of sexual morality: "one that was based on a freely chosen commitment and love, instead of legal and economic bonds" (Johnson Lewis). To the women of America, it promised an alternative -if not protection -from the shackles that was the average, accepted marriage at the time.

Twentieth Century Free Love

Between the 1960s and the 1970s, a new form of Free Love spread across America. Now interested in the hands of hippies and beatniks, the movement "came to imply a sexually active lifestyle with many casual sex partners and little or no commitment" (Johnson Lewis).

All the previous teachings and goals of the original movement were perverted, remolded into but another way for the American Youth to say "F*** the Man!"

The country, obviously, has never recovered.

Millennial Century Free Love

In a number of ways, the form of Free Love that is practiced in America today very much mirrors that of 1960s and 70s. Young adults, predominately between the ages of 17 and 25, venture into college and -the majority -embrace all of its possibilities. The biggest ones being parties and sex.

(After all, why not? Mom and Dad are not around to tell you 'no'!)

The most immediate results: dating and other relationship-building rituals are steadily dying out.

Marriage rates continue to steadily go down, year after year, as the younger generation thrives on the hedonistic promises of their media-driven society -a great promoter of the lifestyle.

America is slowly being redefined as a No-Strings-Attached culture.

My Views

Despite being a feminist, I find it hard to agree with the contemporary doctrines of Free Love -of hooking up, of participating in casual sex. Perhaps I can blame it on my Christian upbringing, or my fascination with BBC [period] movies; but the lifestyle both sickens and worries me.

As it was explained to me by a close friend, a fair number of young adults who dilly-dally in this particular culture are ones who -in some ways -are trying to find an alternative route to coping [with] or overcoming a sour dating/relationship history. 

This argument, I can understand. After all, I myself have a rather unpleasant dating resume. 

And yet, I remain unmoved. 

While I believe that the original ideology of the Free Love Movement is amiable, the version that my peers practice is upsetting. And not just for me.

As noted by Allie Bukatman from the blog Elite Daily:

"Our generation is so afraid of commitment, interpreting it as the be-all, end-all in life. We’re afraid of allowing ourselves to actually like someone, but why?"

Has sex really become such a cheap experience? What happened to it being a profound display of love and admiration? 

For me, my stance is based on a need for two things: (1) respect and (2) legitimacy. I am not in the market for a stuffed dog (a Sun Also Rises [Hemingway] reference). Having respect for myself as well as for my partner creates a legitimate experience, a genuine relationship.

Shania Twain said (sang) it best:

"If you're not in it for love,

if you're not in it for life

Let me make it clear 
to you, my dear

...

I'm outta here!"

Work Cited

Bukatman, Allie. "The Hook-Up Culture Has Killed the Possibility of Dating in College."  
             Daily Elite, 2 April 2014. Online. 6 October 2014. 

Johnson Lewis, Jone. "Free Love in the 19th Century." About Education, 2014. Online. 6
             October 2014.  

Maggie Evans: An Underrated Heroine

Maggie Evans, portrayed by Kathryn Lee Scott

There are a number of strong female characters featured in Dan Curtis's original daytime gothic soap opera "Dark Shadows" (1965-1971). But sandwiched between the rigid matriarch (Elizabeth Collins) and the spunky governess (Victoria Winters) remains a continually overlooked heroine: the determined and strong-minded Maggie Evans -one of the first victims of Barnabas Collins.

The Backstory
For those who have not yet seen the television show, or Tim Burton's rendition of the story, the overall plot of "Dark Shadows" can be summarized as thus: Set in 'modern-day' Collinsport, Maine, the vampire Barnabas Collins has been awakened from his tomb after more than two hundred years of imprisonment. Disguising himself as a distant cousin among his contemporary descendants, the dark and tortured being seeks to regain all that he had lost in his previous life. 

Maggie, standing in front of Josette's portrait.

After meeting Maggie Evans -who bears a staggering resemblance to his former love, Josette DuPres -Barnabas works to bring the young woman under his thrall and to groom her to be his -you guessed it! -vampire bride. Shot from 1966-67, a fair selection of episodes from the show were dedicated to this storyline -which has since been nicknamed by fans as "The Kidnapping of Maggie Evans."

Maggie as a Heroine
Admittedly, based on the description above, the character of Maggie does not sound or appear particularly unique when compared alongside modern vampire-story heroines such as Sookie Stakehouse ("True Blood") and Elena Gilbert ("The Vampire Diaries").

What needs to be remembered, however, is that Maggie stands among the female archetypes in her genre. That is, she was one of the first females to resist the power of the male vampire and to fight to retain her sense of agency. Not even Mina Murray from Bram Stoker's Dracula can claim such a feminist achievement -despite her being a rather progressive character for her time in literary history.


Despite the strength of Barnabas's mind control powers, and his determination to break and remold her, Maggie's subconscious continued to fight back. Even after breaking his spell, under the threat of death, she could not force herself to succumb to her captor's will.
  
Maggie knew who she was; and she was not Josette -no matter how much the two women looked alike, or how much Barnabas wanted her to be. 

Even for the 1960s, the idea of a woman having more strength than her male superior/oppressor -if only in the psychological sense -was not looked upon too fondly. Back then, still, women were being groomed by their mothers, their society(s), and even their men to fit within a certain mold, a certain image.

Today, autonomous women still find themselves fighting against the vampiric thrall of it all (mothers, societies, men). Magazines, television, and other media tell us what to wear and what to do -primarily in order to please our men. The temptation to give in, at times, can be strong; especially if the promise of love is dangled in front of us. 

Be like Maggie: Don't give in! Don't change who you are (your legitimate self) to be a poor man's (a poor vampire's) Josette. 

One of the worst things a girl, a woman can allow herself to do is to be in a relationship that forces her to compromise any and all sense of agency. 

Be a Maggie Evans; not a Bella Swan. (But I shall save my Twilight rant for another day.)

'The Virgin' and 'The Slut': Exploration of an Old Dichotomy

"Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc" (featured below) is the thirty-sixth episode in the popular YouTube series "Epic Rap Battles of History" (or "ERB"). While darkly comedic but undoubtedly entertaining, this video is an excellent artistic example of the old 'Virgin/Slut' dichotomy that still plagues the modern women of today. 

Yes... 'Who won' indeed?...

If one were to base the answer of that question on the teachings of society, Joan of Arc would be the winner. 

Why?

Well, despite her [portrayal's] colorful use of language ('bitches' and 'skank'), Joan stands tall on one of the highest of pedestals: the one reserved for the most virtuous of women. Over the course of history, such a ranking has consisted of a type of woman known as 'the Virgin.' 

And as the yin must always have a yang, the opposite of such a female -the one who dwells in the filth and shadow of the pedestal's base -is 'the Slut.'

Early Classifications
The classifications of 'the Virgin' and 'the Slut' have existed longer than the rules of civility  of the 1950s/60s or the 'True Cult of Womanhood' in the Victoria Era.

The expected characteristics of a Virgin, in general, are as follows:

• sexually 'pure' / 'untouched'
• refined and poised
• practices Church doctrine
• subordinate to males

In contrast, a Slut is generally characterized as thus:

• sexually 'active' / 'promiscuous'
• crude and chaotic
• blasphemes Church doctrine
• insubordinate to males 

Joan: A Virgin?

Joan of Arc is a saint: there is no dispute on this point. Canonized by Pope Benedict XV in 1920, she is recognized by the Catholic Church as the patroness of soldiers and France. 

Born during the Hundred Years War, a bloody skirmish between the British and the French, Joan was raised to be an obedient daughter -both to her parents and to God. In her early teens, she began to hear voices -those of Saints Christopher, Catherine, and Margaret.

As the legend goes: one day the voices of the saints told Joan to leave her childhood home, raise up an army, and crown the dauphin king. Being faithful to these orders, Joan did everything she was told. As a result, however, she would eventually be captured by the British and charged as a witch. Instead of attempting to rescue their heroine, France abandoned Joan.

She was burned at the stake on May 30, 1431 -at the age of nineteen.

Ironically, Joan might have fallen into the category of 'bad girl' in her day and time. She fashioned short hair and a knight's uniform. She claimed to hear divine voices and to be the savior of France. She wielded a sword and led an army. Worse, though: she stood up to her superiors and other men of the time (*gasp!*). Were it not for the sake of miracles or a prophecy (about the coming Maid of Orleans), she might have been locked up in nearest lunatic asylum or burned by her own countrymen.  

And yet, she is a saint...?

Well, she was a martyr and a virgin...

Miley: A Slut?

Miley, "Before"

To further the comparison between her and Brittany Spears, Miley Cyrus is certainly an example of a pop icon 'gone bad.'

Granted, much of an entertainer's reputation is formulated by media. Taking this fact into account, however, can it be right to say that Miley could merely be a victim of bad press? 

Maybe yes; maybe no.

It all started with a haircut; then came the twerking. Within just a short amount of time, the preteens of today lost sight of the Hannah Montana star that they had come to adore.

Miley, "After"

In theory, Miley had a meltdown. Like so many of the child stars who came before, she became crushed and lost under the expectations of the entertainment industry and her idolizing fans.

Hannah Montana was the character, the identity that Miley -the girl -was saddled with. Perhaps it was fine for a while; but then the girl had to grow up and shed the skin that was the fictional her. 

Surely, though, the real Miley could still be a role model for her young fans -through music, if not also in acting. But the new and radical Miley only stirred the pool of controversy. 

Suddenly, no one could control her. She became a forest fire. (Or, rather, a wrecking ball.)

Drugs, vulgarity, and sex: Hannah Montana was officially dead.

Personally, I agree with the latter theory, though. Maybe Miley wanted to grow up; maybe she wanted to be taken seriously. If such is the case, however, I have only this left to say on the matter: Miley, honey, the twerkin' ain't workin'!


"Virgin/Slut": A Dichotomy for the Postmodern Age?

Sadly, for a number of people, the ideas imposed by the 'Virgin or Slut' culture are a popular inheritance -passed down by parents and enforced by certain communities. But does that mean that they (these ideas) belong in this postmodern age?

Surely, by now, it has been established that the modern female should be free to create herself however she sees fit. 'Free,' that is, in the traditional and idolized sense: without ridicule.

The girls of today need role models, something or someone to aspire to. 

As a result: The Virgin (Joan), for now, will continue to win.

What if we lived in a world where . . . ?

While attending a movie festival a few years ago, I was fortunate to view a selection of short, thought-inspiring films; a selection that included the video located below. This film -"All You Need Is Love?" -takes the modern-day social conflict of homophobia and reverses it. Rather, the story focuses on a young girl's sexual awakening in a world that condemns, not homosexual, but heterosexual relationships.

And now, I invite my reader(s) to have a similar eye-opening experience:

Exploring Gender and Sexuality in Farizan's IF YOU COULD BE MINE

One of the highlights of my attending the Austin Teen Book Festival back in 2013 was meeting Sara Farizan, the author of If You Could Be Mine -an eye-opening book about homosexuality  and trans-identity. 

Prior to attending the event, I had the opportunity to read about Farizan and her book in an article on the NPR website. In the short biography provided in the article, I learned that Farizan is, herself, a homosexual and has battled not only psychological and social criticisms over the years, but also cultural. (Being the daughter of Iranian immigrants, it is understandable why an adolescent Farizan might have feared abandonment by her parents and relations on the basis of her sexuality.) Extracted from her interview with NPR, the following is what Farizan had to say in relation to her sexual identity:

Sara Farizan

"The problem for me was that I realized from a very young age that I was gay, or at least had same-sex attractions that weren't going away. And I really struggled with that, and I was very closeted for about six or seven years, where I was just outside very bubbly and happy, and inside was very angry and sad and didn't feel like I could talk to anyone, based on where my parents were from. ... It's a very taboo subject in the Persian community..."

Although it is not mentioned in the NPR article, the dedication at the front of the book does suggest that Farizan did eventually find the acceptance and support she sought from her parents to explore her sexual identity. Today she does so while also reaching out to other homosexuals (not exclusively lesbians) through young adult fiction.

If You Could Be Mine is her first published work.

Book Summary
Sahar and Nazrin have been inseparable since childhood. Now teenagers, in modern-day Tehran, their friendship has escalated to love -of the forbidden variety. But when Nazrin's arranged marriage threatens to separate them, Sahar seeks and discovers what seems to be the ideal solution: gender reassignment. When questions about her own identity comes into play, however, Sahar begins to question her own motives to undergo the surgery.

Reader's Response
As someone who identifies herself as being a heterosexual female, I do not claim to understand first-hand what it must feel like to be persecuted -both inwardly and outwardly -for my sexuality. Having read Farizan's book, however, the ability to see both forms of crisis through the eyes of the main character (Sahar) has helped to strengthen my empathy.

As previously mentioned, this book creatively touches on both homosexuality and trans-identity. In an attempt to preserve her relationship with her lover, Sahar entertains the idea of subjecting herself to sexual reassignment. This pursuit, in a number of ways, exposes deeper layers of dilemmas involving identity and gender.

In Farizan's words:

"I think the longer people read it [the book], they'll see that there's a great distinction between gender identity and sexual orientation. I think Sahar realizes that, too ... through meeting other transsexual characters — some who are very confident and very happy and are actually trans, and then some who have kind of undergone the gender reassignment because they feel like it's their only option. So it brings up a lot of questions, the book, but I don't think it gives a lot of definite answers."

Much to this reader's horror, along with the protagonist's, a section of dialogue included a rather graphic description of what a transgender individual (once he or she is approved for gender reassignment) must go through, surgically, to achieve physical transformation. . . 

To think that, at any minute, someone out in the world is preparing to or is undergoing such a procedure. . . 

The mental images left by the description are too much.

A surprising element, for me, came in the form of a possibility that I had never considered before: the shunning of homosexuality by transgender individuals! At first, the hostility expressed by one transgender, the character of Katayoun, toward the protagonist made little sense -to both Sahar and me. What Katayoun had to voice on the subject: "'I am not like them [homosexuals]!... What they do is unnatural... My illness in treatable. Their malady is a bargain with the devil.'" (150-151)

For someone who, herself, once experienced feelings of persecution and displacement, would it not make sense for Katayoun to empathize -better than I, at least -Sahar's plight?

But there, again, enters the dilemma of sexual orientation and gender identity: Can a person born as a man, but who identifies himself as a woman, understand a woman who freely expresses physical attraction toward her own gender? 

In the case of the character Katayoun from Farizan's novel, the answer would be 'no.' 

Possibly, though, such a negative reaction could be a result of cultural upbringing. In Iran, after all, it is forgivable to be a transgender. To be a homosexual, on the other hand, is a crime punishable by death.

Closing Thoughts
For my first exposure to gay/lesbian literature, Sara Farizan's If You Could Be Mine was an enlightening experience. For anyone who is curious or interested, I highly recommend it.

To read the full NPR feature on Sara Farizan, please click here.