American Hook Up Culture: Nothing New?

Going from a small university town to a large one, I continually find myself in a state of culture shock -perpetually surprised by my new classmates' liberal lifestyles. And while many of the changes are refreshing, there is one that I find myself butting heads against: the quote-on-quote Hook-up Culture.

While researching this romanticized lifestyle, I was shocked to discover that the history of this no-strings-attached approach to love actually extends back much further than the Summer of Love of the 1960s. Rather, it began in the nineteenth century! 


Nineteenth Century Free Love 
The 'first wave' of America's Free Love Movement is said to have arisen in the mid-nineteenth century, when this country was caught up in the sweep of spiritualism. Despite it's rather scandalous title, though, the idea behind the Free Love Movement was to challenge the cold, business-like institution that was the traditional marriage. (The entire concept of two individuals marrying for love was still alien to Western culture at this time.)

Being a Free Lover typically meant that an individual could/would "freely choose a monogamous sexual partner and to freely choose to end a marriage or relationship when love ended" (Johnson Lewis). A concept called 'voluntary motherhood' was also introduced.

One of the Movement's first, and most famous, pioneers was a woman named Victoria Woodhull -the woman who would later be nominated by the Equal Rights Party to be their candidate in the 1872 presidential election (against Frederick Douglass and Ulysses S. Grant). In her own words:

Victoria Woodhull

"Yes, I am a Free Lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or as short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please, and with that right neither you nor any law you can frame have any right to interfere." 

 While the majority of the nation was under the impression that the Free Lovers were trying to promote promiscuity, the exact opposite was actually taking place. Rather, the Free Lovers considered themselves to be the practitioners of a new, modified kind of sexual morality: "one that was based on a freely chosen commitment and love, instead of legal and economic bonds" (Johnson Lewis). To the women of America, it promised an alternative -if not protection -from the shackles that was the average, accepted marriage at the time.

Twentieth Century Free Love

Between the 1960s and the 1970s, a new form of Free Love spread across America. Now interested in the hands of hippies and beatniks, the movement "came to imply a sexually active lifestyle with many casual sex partners and little or no commitment" (Johnson Lewis).

All the previous teachings and goals of the original movement were perverted, remolded into but another way for the American Youth to say "F*** the Man!"

The country, obviously, has never recovered.

Millennial Century Free Love

In a number of ways, the form of Free Love that is practiced in America today very much mirrors that of 1960s and 70s. Young adults, predominately between the ages of 17 and 25, venture into college and -the majority -embrace all of its possibilities. The biggest ones being parties and sex.

(After all, why not? Mom and Dad are not around to tell you 'no'!)

The most immediate results: dating and other relationship-building rituals are steadily dying out.

Marriage rates continue to steadily go down, year after year, as the younger generation thrives on the hedonistic promises of their media-driven society -a great promoter of the lifestyle.

America is slowly being redefined as a No-Strings-Attached culture.

My Views

Despite being a feminist, I find it hard to agree with the contemporary doctrines of Free Love -of hooking up, of participating in casual sex. Perhaps I can blame it on my Christian upbringing, or my fascination with BBC [period] movies; but the lifestyle both sickens and worries me.

As it was explained to me by a close friend, a fair number of young adults who dilly-dally in this particular culture are ones who -in some ways -are trying to find an alternative route to coping [with] or overcoming a sour dating/relationship history. 

This argument, I can understand. After all, I myself have a rather unpleasant dating resume. 

And yet, I remain unmoved. 

While I believe that the original ideology of the Free Love Movement is amiable, the version that my peers practice is upsetting. And not just for me.

As noted by Allie Bukatman from the blog Elite Daily:

"Our generation is so afraid of commitment, interpreting it as the be-all, end-all in life. We’re afraid of allowing ourselves to actually like someone, but why?"

Has sex really become such a cheap experience? What happened to it being a profound display of love and admiration? 

For me, my stance is based on a need for two things: (1) respect and (2) legitimacy. I am not in the market for a stuffed dog (a Sun Also Rises [Hemingway] reference). Having respect for myself as well as for my partner creates a legitimate experience, a genuine relationship.

Shania Twain said (sang) it best:

"If you're not in it for love,

if you're not in it for life

Let me make it clear 
to you, my dear

...

I'm outta here!"

Work Cited

Bukatman, Allie. "The Hook-Up Culture Has Killed the Possibility of Dating in College."  
             Daily Elite, 2 April 2014. Online. 6 October 2014. 

Johnson Lewis, Jone. "Free Love in the 19th Century." About Education, 2014. Online. 6
             October 2014.